When it comes to processing our emotions with other people, the difference between satisfaction and frustration usually comes down to how you go about it. Are you venting in a healthy way, or are you emotional dumping?
Emotional dumping is a toxic form of venting. When you emotionally dump you are unaware of both your own emotional state and the state of the listener. You are not actively seeking the consent of the listener and so while you’re venting, you’re not able to receive feedback or see the other person’s perspective. It’s simply a one-way street.
Expressing one’s feelings when things become difficult, and it seems as though emotions such as anger, frustration and emptiness are taking over is highly encouraged and beneficial to the person. It is often advised that one finds outlets to unload the baggage that weigh us down from time to time. Sometimes, we reach out to friends or loved ones to relieve us of these bottled up emotions. However, while sharing our frustrations, we often forget about the person sitting in front of us, not listening to their reactions to see how they’re processing all of what we’re saying. We just spew all of our resentment onto them, sometimes leaving them feeling exhausted and guilt-ridden.
Unlike healthy venting where you express your thoughts and feelings in a considerate manner, emotional dumping is done without paying heed to the other person’s frame of mind as they could be unprepared for such emotional conversations. While the person venting may feel better afterwards, the person on the receiving end may feel as if the weight of the world is on their shoulders.
Emotional dumping is a coping mechanism that exudes from a victim mindset. It sometimes involves blaming others without taking any accountability for your actions. One way to know if you’re emotionally dumping is when your venting most times does not result in issues being resolved. You find that you’re always complaining but the reasons for which you’re complaining never gets resolved.
This can even lead to other health problems as research findings have shown that chronic venting without problem resolution, presents a higher risk of high blood pressure, Coronary Artery Disease (CAD), strokes and cancer. People who vent often without problem resolution are faced with twice the risk of CAD and almost three times the risk of heart attack, compared to those who don’t.
Not to say, you should not express your feelings but when frequent venting becomes a constant, it might be time to investigate ways to shift this behavior into one that is more productive and less destructive to one’s health. Venting is fine as long as it is not at the cost of others’ wellbeing. The trick lies in knowing how to do it in a healthy fashion.
To help you figure this out and deal with it, here are six strategies that can help you get rid of the habit of emotional dumping.
- Uncover the real reasons behind your frustrations
Get to the bottom of whatever it is that is making you feel stressed or overwhelmed. Don’t try to suppress it only to find that you’re becoming easily irritated with everything else that’s happening around you. Once this is done, you won’t have the urge to rant. You can reach out to the other person to discuss the issue with a sense of awareness. This way you will not only get rid of the things troubling you but you’ll also be able to maintain your relationships with them.
- Keep a journal
This is definitely another perfect way to vent, only this time you’re doing it with a pen and a paper. Journaling is an effective way to curb the habit of emotional dumping. You can pen down all your troubling thoughts instead of bottling them up inside you. Writing down how you feel can also help you figure out what’s exactly that is bothering you. Afterwards you can then come up with an appropriate response to deal with the issue.
- Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is an effective way to deal with your negative emotions such as anger and resentment. Mindfulness helps you to achieve mental and emotional clarity as it ensures you do not react to situations based on your feelings alone. You’d be able to recognize the patterns, identify causes, measure impacts and help you take a more intentional and methodical approach in addressing your issues with others. This awareness can help you change the tone of your dialogue, allowing you to vent in a healthy fashion.
- Take permission
Sometimes something as simple as asking permission can do the trick. Before you begin to vent, ask permission from the other person and let them know you’re just trying to share your frustrations with them. This way you can help prepare the other person’s mind so that they don’t end up carrying the burden or the guilt of the things you shared with them. Simply by taking their consent, you’ve cleared all the doubts in their mind and let them know that you just want someone to listen.
- Listen actively
You can aid in the transition from dumping to healthy venting by practicing active listening. Active listening helps to make the sharing/listening feel more reciprocal. When you’re actively listening, you tend to focus on the other person when they’re speaking so you can get their own perspective of the matter. This way, the other person feels like they’re communicating with you and that you’re not just dumping things on them.
- Be empathetic
Empathy is the ability to see, feel, or understand something from another’s perspective and to use that to inform action. It doesn’t have to be about you even though you’re the one venting. Listen and be sensitive to other people’s reactions to know when to be supportive about their own experiences too. Empathy helps to increase feelings of connectedness and wellbeing with other people and this tends to make communication a lot more meaningful.
Emotional dumping can feel good at first but in the end what it does is to aggravate your angry emotional state rather than alleviating it. Emotional dumping also decreases intimacy because it lacks awareness of the other person’s emotional state or capacity.
Learning to identify when you are emotionally dumping rather than venting could just be the game changer for you when it comes to building safe, intimate relationships. Remember to practice the six step mentioned above to help you avoid emotional dumping on your friends and loved one;
- Uncover the reasons behind your frustrations
- Keep a Journal
- Practice mindfulness
- Take permission
- Listen actively and
- Be empathetic
Avoid spreading toxic energy; rather choose to spread love, joy and happiness.
Be kind to yourself, be kind to other people.
With Love and gratitude as always, Xo!
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Disclaimer: Please note that I am not your doctor while I am a health coach by profession. This article is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice nor does it establish any kind of medical relationship between you and me. I will not be held liable for any damage resulting from or related to your use of this information.