Learn these Happy Marriage Tricks and find more joy and less frustration in your home.
I always like to say that a MARRIAGE is like when you’re signing a contract to purchase your dream home. The reason I like to make this comparison is because whenever you’re ready to purchase your dream home, you are most likely to be the one to tell the Realtor what exactly you have in mind; the location and type of the property, the number of rooms, the size of the kitchen etc.
The Realtor then goes ahead to find houses that fit your preference; let’s say between 5 & 10 houses, leaving you the choice to pick one out of all the options. Eventually, while you’re taking your tour through the houses, you get to fall in love with one of them and even though there might be a few things to fix in the house to bring it to perfection, you’re still willing to go with it. Also after you make your down payment, the first few years of the mortgage can be burdensome too on your finances and but you’re willing to make the sacrifice because you love your new home.
I think marriages are similar. Whether you’re still searching or you’ve found your other half; you probably have certain preferences that you’d like to see in the other person before you make such commitments and even though the person may not meet up with all of those preferences, you’re still willing to commit knowing that as both of you live together, you will both learn to understand and accept each other better.
Similarly, just like we do with our home maintenance, whenever any issue comes up, we fix it so it doesn’t get worse. I guess now you have a pretty good idea why I think a marriage is like a contract we sign when trying to buy our dream home and just like making continuous mortgage payments on your house, you are also expected to continually make sacrifices in your marriage.
Sometimes after several years of living with each other, your marriage begins to give you signs that it needs some shake-up and that happens to even the best of us. You’re both finishing each other’s sentences, you haven’t done something new on a date night in years and you’re both beginning to get on each other’s nerves more often and you’re probably beginning to think you both need a break from each other.
Today, I’m going to try to share a few tips with you on ways I think you can rekindle your marriage so you both will feel more connected to each other.
- De-activate Autopilot mode: It’s quite easy for long-term relationships to become monotonous and boring after several years of sharing a life together. Sometimes, a couple’s schedules can become so tedious especially with work and with the kids that there is barely any moment of spontaneity or real connection.
In order to de-activate this mode, couples need to begin to re-adjust their routines and perspectives. Humans by nature are ritualistic, it is important to recognize whenever our relationships are gradually sliding into autopilot and to refresh the conditioned dynamics that you and your partner may have created in arriving at that point.
Also, you need to kill the idea that something needs to change about your partner, rather shift the focus to creating the ideal conditions both of you would like to see as a couple. Spend more fun time together, go out on dates, go dancing or just spend intimate moments together. - Stop feeling sick and tired of habits you previously found cute or funny: I used to find my husband’s difficulty with matching his shirts and pants very cute and adorable. I would mock him then that he looked like a safety box where you couldn’t find the right combination to open it. But right now I no longer find it funny when I see him out with his cousin and looks like he got dressed in the dark.
Don’t mix up these feelings; Feeling sick and tired of a once cute habit might be a warning sign that we’re becoming tired of something else about our partner or about something we think is missing in the relationship. Try to find out what exactly the problem might be and directly confront the other person with a view to resolving host issues rather than criticizing or nagging your partner out of frustration. - When you begin to finish each other’s sentences: This may sound sweet but it’s usually not a healthy sign in any relationship. Couples need some time apart from each other, spending too much time with each other can be as detrimental in a relationship as spending too much time apart from each other. It’s called the principle of codependency.
Constant communication and contact like texting each other always during the workday or not engaging separate social activities can harm your relationships. Couples need to find the right balance.
- Don’t get caught up in the same cycles: The longer time couples stay married the more reinforced their habits as a couple becomes and this can be both good and bad. Try to create new, positive habits as well as break the not so pleasant ones. Research has revealed that women tend to be more afraid of disconnection in a relationship while men dread criticism.
- Don’t take each other for granted: Anything that is of value to you needs adequate attention, resources and time if it will continue to flourish, otherwise it might lose its attraction. For instance, when I married my husband, I constantly used to brag about him. However, right now I get caught up in the little details of trying to run our life together that I sometimes forget to appreciate those things I found attractive about him like the way he laughs or his great cooking skills.
Try to think of your relationship as a car that requires regular maintenance and servicing in order to keep it going. Refuel each other’s emotional tanks by offering each other at least five compliments or positive gestures each day to keep the relationship engines working optimally.
- Enjoy date nights together, try new and exciting things together: Make a dinner reservation at your favorite restaurants, discover new favorite places, watch good movies together that you both love either at home or at a cinema, try to spend enjoyable moments together and always remember to share a good laugh.
- Don’t become each other’s punching bags: Our partners are supposed to be our safe havens, somewhere or someone we can look to when everyone else has rejected us. It’s best not to make jest of our partner’s circumstances especially when they take them very seriously and also ensure not to project your stormy emotions or angrily offload your problems on the ones you love.
- Don’t stop listening to each other: The ability to truly listen to each other in any relationship is very important in making sure it thrives. Listening might not be as easy as it sounds because it is your ability to pick up the little, unnoticed things about your partner that spices up the relationship.
- Don’t start complaining behind each other’s back: It’s like we’re all guilty of this; airing our dirty relationship laundry over dinner with our girl friends or on over phone with our moms. This is not healthy for any relationship as it can undercut the trust and intimacy in that relationship and can affect your communication and connection.
Personally, here are a few tips that have been working for me in my marriage. I’m not saying marriage is easy; all I’m saying is that these tips have worked for me.
Don’t ever laugh at your spouse; however find plenty of reasons to both laugh together. Learn to take life easy; challenges seem easier to manage when you have a partner to laugh over it with.
I never let my husband leave the house without him giving me a kiss and telling me he loves me. True fact about life is that there are no guarantees, the last time you saw him or her walk out the door might actually be the last you’d ever see that person alive again so make sure all ill feelings do not linger for long and it also helps me get over things about him that irritates me like whenever his snoring bugs me, I remind myself that this means that he’s alive, he’s home, and he’s with me.
Always appreciate the little things your partner does for you or the kind gestures he or she shows you. Don’t assume they know that you appreciate what they do, learn to say thank you.
First comes love, then marriage!!
Now you may kiss your bride!
Happy Married Life! 🙂