For most of us, trying to stay authentic to ourselves is easier said than done, the practice of remaining true to ourselves as we grow older can sometimes be very difficult; it actually takes practice. As a child, we’re usually free to be ourselves; we ask all kinds of questions, trying out new and different things and we’re barely ashamed of anything but as we grow older, we begin to wear various masks simply because we’re trying to fit in. I call them SURVIVAL MASKS, whether it’s at home, at school, in the workplace or even in our relationships; we gradually begin to forget WHO WE TRULY ARE.
The reasons behind wearing these masks are because we want to be accepted, we want to be loved and to be valued. As a child we want to be like the other kids who are much more expressive with their colors and fashion style or as adults we see a lady at the gym, looking very fit and working out hard core and we’re immediately like; “I want to be like her”, not that there’s anything wrong with that but we sometimes forget that sometimes, these kids or adults might have had to put on several masks to get to where they are, so it’s best not to try to be anyone else, JUST BE YOURSELF ALWAYS.
Today, I would like to share 5 tips with you on how you can find out if you’re struggling with being your authentic self and how you can get rid of those masks:
1. Self-Love or Not Respecting Your Boundaries
To explain this let me start with how he dictionary puts it; Boundaries are a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line. From my experience, as it relates to humans; these boundaries can be physical, emotional or even digital. For example, you might be working on a routine on your body type; working out hard and sticking to diet goals and suddenly your friend asks you to abandon your schedule and take on theirs and you don’t say I CAN’T; you are not doing yourself much good because that way you’re not loving your body and respecting your boundaries.
Healthy Boundaries – You can say to your friend; I will work out with you one day and see if your routine aligns with my fitness goals. Your friend may not really like it and might think that you’re being selfish but don’t worry about that because I think this is healthy selfishness. Saying NO to something that doesn’t serve your purpose is saying YES to yourself. Trust me; it’s going to pay off afterwards. If we don’t learn to set boundaries for ourselves and others, we create a toxic environment around us where we find it hard to be authentic, to practice creativity or to tap into our intuition if we’re constantly riding along with every new distraction that comes our way.
2. Living by Other People’s Boundaries
I think this one relates very well with me because of the nature of my work. In my fitness and health coaching career, I try very hard to really please people and make them proud because that’s how you encourage them to keep going but somehow this dampens me whenever I walk into the gym as I sometimes have to relate with people who share zero interest with me on some of the stuff that I love doing.
So to help me through this; I constantly have to keep reminding myself of my dreams and aspirations and the BIG WHY’s behind all of the things I do to meet my goals.
A few years ago I used to wake up every morning to write my Morning Pages as that used to help me clear my head and helped me build a healthy mindset for the day and then one day I realized that I had stopped doing it. Then suddenly, I came back from the gym one day and said to myself I was going to write about how I feel which sounds like a lot of work in the midst of a very busy schedule but that made me realize I had stopped living my dreams. Being the envy of others is not all it is made up to be neither is living with someone who doesn’t get you; You don’t have to sell your soul for another person’s dream
3. You Can’t Be Authentic because you’d Rather Be Numb
This is a mask most of wear, we sometimes play stupid with ourselves trying to avoid what is behind our fears and to achieve these, we sometimes latch on to other unhealthy habits that do not help us achieve our goals. For example, in my case I started buying stuff that I didn’t really need every week just to cope with some of my fears; that was my way of making them numb.
To solve this problem, I started facing my fears head-on. I would sit all by myself and begin to interview my fears; by that I mean I will begin to question some of my thoughts. If you wake up one day and find yourself in this numbing cycle, do whatever you can to break away from it. I also tried to talk about it with my best friend Ivan or with my sister. I unplug if I have to. I sit with these thoughts and question them, even if they are hard and painful because I know that avoiding the difficult parts of life means me living only half my life.
4. You are Very Unique or you’re Different
Maybe as a child you were unique or different from the other kids and this made it hard for you to cope with the other kids. You just knew you were different with almost everything; learning, reading, playing, writing, conversing etc. so this has made you hide much of your true self in order to protect yourself. But like I would normally say; “Different Isn’t bad, it’s just not the same”.
Wearing off this mask might be very difficult because showing people these uniqueness might make you look different from others but you must know that in the end, your true self must eventually come out so why not start learning how to unveil yourself instead of letting someone else do it for you. Besides, you’re better off hanging out with people who will accept you for who you truly are.
5. Because of Your Fears
This is somewhat similar to Mask number 4 above. It has to do a lot more with fear of being rejected, either for speaking your mind, quitting your job or your marriage or for just doing your own thing. Rejection is usually one of the most painful human experiences
In order to help overcome this fear, you try my earlier suggestion. Sit and Interview fears, asking yourself difficult questions like; “what’s the worst that could happen?”
They may come to love who they think you are but they may never get to know the real you which is even more dangerous so make up your mind to find only those who will love you for who you truly are.
Learn the art of authentic connection, you don’t need to wear any masks in order for you to be accepted by anyone even the very subtle ones like; mask of politeness, civility or the mask of pretending to be interested in the person you’re talking to. It’s okay to try to get along with others but that also means showing displeasure when they upset or irritate you. Always remember to stay true to yourself; BE AUTHENTIC.
With Much Love and Kindness!
DISCLAIMER: I Never Said any of These was Going to be Easy.
I never said these were going to be quick fixes (I don’t actually believe in quick fixes) or that it wouldn’t take pain and effort, all I’m saying is that in the end; it’ll be worth it.
This is a process and it takes time and practice to first remove those masks we have put on and then to wear our true selves for everyone to see; actually the work is never really done until you’re gone but the moment you get to that point where becoming less of who you are is more painful than putting yourself through that process of transformation, then you’d know you are ready.