What is failure? Who really defines what failure is and what it is not? Me? You? Maybe a dictionary?
Let’s at least find out what the dictionary says about failure since that is public knowledge.
A dictionary defines failure as;
a) Lack of success
b) The neglect or omission of expected or required action
So do you really agree with the above definition? Think about it for a second.
It can be said that the above refers to an event, a task, an action, a venture, etc. that failed, meaning that it did not produce our preferred outcomes or desired results. Why then do people tend to describe themselves or other people around them as FAILURES just because they participated in events or actions that did not produce their preferred outcomes?
So many questions you may say but it’s just so tragic to see how so many people allow themselves to be defined by external events, be it their successes or their failures. As humans, our society and culture have wired us to think that we ought to pursue success and avoid failure by all means if we want to find happiness and fulfillment. Society dreads failure, at school, at work, even at home, no one wants to be seen as “A FAILURE” and so we are under pressure whether consciously or subconsciously to ensure that we avoid it by all means possible.
However, no one is ever quick to tell us that no reasonable amount of success can come to one in life without first encountering failure or even several of them. Successful people somehow fail to emphasize the fact that failure was a huge part of their success story. Personally I do not believe that anyone can achieve anything meaningful in life without having to pass through some serious challenges and setbacks; failure is an intricate part of the whole process so it’s time we start learning how to fail gracefully and with our heads up high. Whether it’s a failed relationship or a failed business venture or a failed academic pursuit, all those events are what eventually lead us to our desired destinations. FAILURE IS INEVITABLE.
The moment we begin to take this viewpoint towards how we see life and its challenges, we will get to that point where we will never allow ourselves or anyone else ever tell us that WE ARE FAILURES because it’s so not true. We should try as much as we can to learn to separate our experiences from who we are. Whether or not they are good or bad, they shouldn’t define us because truly they’re not us.
Failure should rather be seen as a form of validation that at least “we tried’. We were courageous and bold enough to take the plunge and we deserve some credit for that because a lot of people who are quick to criticize others for failing never really try to do anything themselves. Also, one other thing to keep in mind is that no matter how terrible the events turn out to be, we always come out of it with lessons on mistakes that were made and how not to repeat them if given another opportunity. So we can even consider our failures to be “a success” because now we are better equipped to encounter the same or similar problems with a higher chance of success.
So in times of doubt and disbelief, I encourage you to be gentle and forgiving on yourself. View each failure as a passing event without attaching much meaning to it. It’s not the failure event that matters; it’s our response to it that truly counts. Find the grace and strength to pick yourself up and move forward and also learn to celebrate your efforts not just to feel disappointed about your outcomes.
Here is a popular quote by Tamara Levitt that always helps me through times of difficulty “Just because you failed doesn’t mean that you’re a failure. So fail proudly, gently and gracefully”